that day...

it was dark, cold, and quiet. i couldn't sleep. it's exactly half an hour after dad left and about an hour after i 'checked in' to this place. who would have thought, to hear me, entering this place, just hours after they celebrated christmas with me.
i'm sure that all the people back there won't believe my parents if they told them.

i stare at the ceiling.White.Cold.And full with story.I glance at my watch. it's 3.20 a.m. i still wonders what will happen in the morning. the pain still come and go. As if i'm enjoying it's visit. i look at my pierced hand, with tube that contains water, flowing down from the plastic bag dangling above my bed. the wires running across my chest, into a metal box with some display of letters and numbers in green that i couldn't understand.

i wonder, maybe, this is it. This is the last for me. The pain was excruciating. But i manage to keep my self together.Somehow. i looked at my past. At things that i've done. some were great.Some were awesome.Other was just plain silly.And. I say to myself.In all of that.What did i do.What things that i've done.To deserve this.This is like a torture that i couldn't stop.I'm hopeless.I can't defend myself.I'm just.To weak.

i woke up few hours later.Only to find a guy wrapping my arm with something.this cloth-thing just squeeze my arm and instantly, let it go.The guy just smile at me and walk away.I look at my watch. it's 5.45 a.m. well.That was an early wake up call.The guy came back to me.He gave me a small cup.He ordered me to finish whatever there is inside that cup.I saw some coloured solid thing.Just like smarties.But i know that wasn't some smarties.No matter how hard i try to imagine it is.

My legs are numb due to the coldness.I lay down and again.Stare at the ceiling.it is still dark and quiet.only the buzz of the air conditioner makes it seem less dull.An old guy next to me start to mumble something even i couldn't understand.I hear screams down the hall way.Everything turns from quiet to creepy and scary.I was afraid.For the first time in my adult life.I was afraid.Of things around me.I was like a little boy.afraid of sound i couldn't recognised.What is happening to me.Why am i this sensitive to things around me.Have i lost it.Suddenly.Something Slap me back to reality.A painful feeling.In my left chest.As if someone with a metal claw just stab me in the chest and squeezing my left lung.i couldn't breath normally.Just gasp of air.I feel like i'm going to faint.I press the red button near the lamp switch next to my head.A nurse came and quickly insert a tube into my mouth and pump air into me.I nearly cry.Is that the feeling of a near death.I smiled.Weakly.As a sign of thanks to the nurse for her swift action.

Letting go.

My cousin got engaged. All went well. Except for me. I dont know why i despised the very idea of her engagement.The very minute she told us the news makes me sick..But that was before, now i've learnt that sometime we had to let go of someone. I hated her engagement before because i was afraid to lose her..I feared that when she engaged with someone,we would be neglected..Well..Few hours i cleared my mind, and stop thinking negatively and stop acting stupid.

Looking at her happy face today, it was worth it. We had some great moments together, but it's time to let it go, and let her carve new great moments with her fiance. Well to jesse, hope your new beginning as someone's fiance is a happy one.

Tell

Life got their own way of telling people what to do, what to avoid, when to quit, what not to think and much more. Sometime, it can be as clear as the crystal, and sometime, through rough long time experience.

Some people may recover from any mistake that they've done. Others don't.Some just quit half way and never even look at what their mistakes are. Basically life is just an obstacle that is to be enjoyed or endured.

Here's to life..I don't know when to quit.

My MD friends part 2.

Jiawei: kawan ku ne ia ani..Benchmate ku physic.We're close..Kami slalu ckap pasal apa saja.Kami suka ngucap sir jua hehe..Ia fan chelsea..Ma brada.Haha..Gnnna miss punching u man..Haha
Goh: pendiam.Baik.Pa nya c waie.Ia ada pun macam nada haha.
Nisa: perempuan paling bising pernah ku jumpa..Bnyak cakap.Girlpren c fish.
Fifa: my chillest friend..Pndai cheer people. Cali.Register mate ku.
Hazy: the only person that had 3 classes with me..And no, i didnt hacked the school system to have 3 classes with her haha..Ia cali.Suka senyum and baik.I guess antara semua perempuan dlm klas ku yg bukan Hg's,ia ganya ku brani bkap btah2..Sma c saadah lh..
Dillah: aku kenal ia tahun ani.Ia cali eh..
Athirah: the most innocent young lady i've ever meet.Ia pendiam..Jrg jua ku ckap sma ia ani,tp if kami bckap,ending nya mesti ktawa..Pelik yg amat..Haha..Ia adalah ciri-ciri tu..Haha..Tp kmi kawan..Kacamatanya lagi tabal dari aku hehe
Dr.Chia: i miss him..Cikgu ku yg paling chill.Bnyak mbgi galakan.Reminded my self of my old teacher,cgu.Hj zulkipli..I miss having the conversation about life in his office..Dulu ada kmi ckap..First with hazy,then halim, then aku seorang ganya ke sana.We talked a lot.But not after an event that doesnt involve anyone..Mood ku inda baik.
Ms.Breda: she's a nice teacher. Dulu ku pikir ia psycho hehe..
Teacher hafsah: the most understanding teacher ever.Ia baik and peramah..I like the way she treat us..Macam anaknya sendiri..I miss her..

Well thats all i can think of..Maybe ada ketinggalan..Sorry haha..Walauapapun. You're all are dearest to me.

Life

Its been two weeks since i end my contract with md..Life just about the same here..Every freaking day..Im bored already..The follow ups are the one thats been bothering me a lot.

I had to do the follow up treatments because i didnt attend any during the appointment date, because of the a level exams. Its been like 10 days since i left school, and i have 3 follow ups up-to-date..3 damn follow ups in past 10 days..I hate seeing the hospital and its staff, i kept complaining after every follow ups,but i do enjoy hearing the head nurses's jokes..Hehe.He even made a lame twillight joke about me.

Head nurse: i wonder what edward cullen think when he taste ur blood.

Me: huh?

The hell with edward,give me bella.If she was a vampire,i'd give her my blood haha.I think the hospital develop an interest of taking the injection,pierce my arm and take my blood..Thats all they've been doing during these follow ups..I bet you cant tell the difference between a newbie drug addict's arm and mine, stupid injection.

My brother was annoyed when i complained about the follow up,he'll just have to bear with me,cause,im doing that get the needles, and it freaking hurt..Not that i cant handle it..-_-"

anyways..Beside the stupid follow ups, everything seems the same, chores,tv,games,futsal,hang out..Some functions here and there (no way am i going to attend any hehe)..Well..That's life,i think.

"can't you see me standing right here?".

My MD friends part 1

I'm bored.Jobless.Missing someone.And i cant sleep..

Azim: he's my first non hostelite friend.
Akif: he's my math classmate for two years.We both suffered the tmc era.
Ammar: the kekwak,mr.Funny guy,urg kampung ku.And my classmate..He really hates tmc.
Awang: my roomate. First person i know in MD. We shared a lot.He's funny and weird haha..I miss you buddy.
Ahmad: the largest guy in hostel.
Aris: a.k.a Faidi. my tall,sarcastic,funny,and skinny nephew.
Asbee: my shadow haha,my partner in register room.
Afnan: he's a great guy,loyal to his girlfriend and a loudmouth haha.
Achai: the chicken feet,choir guy,noisy,thief hehe,expert in law disturbing operation.
Amin: my itp mate.
Boh celum: the darkest of them all,the hotel owner haha.,his greatest fear is cats.
Law: udang hostel.
Tawab: toyol alim,he complaints a lot haha.
Alizam: my math mate,friendly,great friend.
Badar: a.k.a mr.Slipper haha,sabang yg tagap.
Mizi: my 'luas' cousin.
Jambul: die hard chelsea fan.
Gitdz: sabang yg terpilu.
Haziq: my pingpong mate,go to register mate,pm mate,pes mate..Mr.Askar singapore.
Kemri: the friend that provide me everything haha.
Kumeng: mr.Menunggol,kawan ku,urg lama,Hbo's takraw superstar.
Abu: my dimwit,noisy nephew.
Joyah: ??
Frank: my bank manager,my gendang mate.A great friend.
Yusra: mr.Bendsmith.Tepaw.
Avagay: the scardy cat.
Husaif: the oldest in hbo.Said to be exist since the time of dinosaurs.
Waie: my bro.Computing mate.Pm mate.Jokes mate.Gaming mate.Great guy.The machine gun expert.
Ebul: he always curhat to me.The taekwon boy.Always break stuff if he fights with his girlfriend.
Gdau: the slowest of all..Bilik nya chill.
Halim: my friend.Physic mate.He sleeps at my room if he's afraid to sleep alone.
Ezam: the guy who owned lancer ex.
Guan: head shaking,tongue showing chinese,he ask a lot.
Wali: si kusung.Dont speak much..
Kacik: my brother,funny,sarcastic,great,generous.Miss you dude.
Najib: unibrow.
Jag: my classmate.Have the 'r' problem.Smart.Tall.Always with the epiphany.Great friend.
Kidd: mr.Screamo.The squirel in ice age.
Sawer: the king of pingpong.The master of fly.And have a serious problem of dota addictions.
Zeze: my neighbour.We shared a lot.Great bud.My partner in crime.
Khairul: a.k.a chan.My tall,cool,friendly,great,funny,and talkative nephew..My language mate.
Mumtaz: my brother bear.He's funny,kind,witty,sarcastic,soft spoken and my msn mate.
Willson: my ex math buddy.We both hate tmc hehe.
Fish: boypren c nisa ne..Haha.
Taufik: "ro..Dangani ku.." he always said that to me..Gonna miss u buddy.
Farid: he shocked me by telling me that he never eat rice..Ever! But that was when we first enter md..Now i can get use to the bread man haha.
Qadir: mr.Polar bear,he likes to hibernate..
Rahim: he is more than a friend to me.He is my brother..Well he is older than my brother..Haha..He introduce x japan and merpati band as well as A.C.A.B and other indie bands to me..We shared a lot..I always curhat at him haha..He understands me..Kinda like my roomate,sargent..I guess i could call him the father of Hb's revolutions haha.
Oh..And he sings..A lot.

Dave: monkey king.Kawanku yg inda pernah stop pikir pasal duit.
Azim spect: eas buddy ku yg sama macam c ajmain.
Hj.Khairul: my chill friend.Once in eas,we're given a task to pick an animal based on our quality,he said im the gorilla alpha male -_-"..Ms.Zari pun asi-asi jua ckap you're right arahnya haha.
Mezz: my register mate..Aku nda paham ia ani..Hehe..
Saadah: wooo..Kawanku yg paling cali..Yg perempuan lh.Ia ani utaknya gila2 dikit..Suka ngacau urang..And kadang2 bangang jua haha..Tapi ia baik..
Lonnie: i know her parents and grandparents, but im 100 percent sure she doesnt know me quite well..Maybe she'll just know me as her eas mate.Ohh..Ia kawanku yg paling putih sekali..Lebih putih dari fifa..Hehe
khairunisa: eas mate ku yg handal speaking.
Jacky: dulu ia semeja sma aku time eas tahun lapas..Aku nda layan ia bwa cakap..I think she hates me..Haha..Apa bleh buat..Aku bh pemalu..
Sahmin: kawanku math..Kmi nda suka tmc..Hehe..Ia baik and great..Nyasal jua rasanya nda dpt kenal ia bnar2..Pyah bh kn jumpa ia ane..Except dlm math.
Goh sleepy head: ia paling slamba antara semua..Ia suka tdur time math..Haha..Mental tmc..
Akif: brada retro haha..Rambut nya cool..Afro man..Ia da melukis tmc pkai pc..Da kali pat fb nya lau ku nda silap.
Jien wen: the big baby nya dr.Chia haha.Arsenal fan..Yuck..M.U rule bro.
Fathullah: kawanku yg minat arsenal.Pendiam.Tpi suka menganakan aku haha..
Benny: gila dota..Ne anak ane.
Erza: aku kenal ia pasal mamdu..Lau nada mamduh nda ku bcakap x sma anak ane..
Jia jia: pandai gila ne ia ani..Pandai hantap lh nya urg g haha..And she's caring.
Zanatul: goth girl..Kali lh haha..Ia jrg cakap..Aku pun sekali ganya cakap sma ia..Besalh..Aku bh pmalu..
Rafi: kawanku yg sama minat lagu2 lama..The best ne anak ah.
Faiz: kawanku yg cali and suka nyumpah..Haha..Ia kenal bestfriend ku c dinie in cyberworld.Aku kenal ia in real world.So he have the best of both world haha.
Kz: "ah apakan".Trademark nya haha..Ia selamba..Pandai..And..Suka ngacau teacher.
Hafiz pinoy: ia dari pilipin..Ia ane..Ntah ah..Misteri lh alang2 haha.
Yamin: ia bukan manusia.Ia alien.He's so damn smart. Genius..Haha.

The end of Perfect Prefectorial 08/09 era.

in the previous post, i talked about the HBO era, now, the prefect era. we fought (well not literally) side by side, tearing down every barracade pieces by pieces, facing the challenges as if we were trained in the lions den. we shared laughters (when everything went well). we shared sadness and tears (when some of us went to katok and at the end of our job..last night). and shared exactly the same sigh as boredom during talks trying to kill us.

but before that, we were just a normal students who applied for the prefectorial board for the certificates and praises as well as tasks. but as we move along, we discovered something stronger than egos, prides and reputations, we discovered frienship, bond that's strong enought to even wreck the whole (exaggerating). at first, the 'tribes' were clearly seen, the HBs with their own group, as well as the HGs and the non-hostellites with their own. but..thaat all was changed during the period of our time together. now we are equal in everything, i'd fun with all parties..the HBs, HGs and the non-hostellites.

but everything that is wonderful just had to end, eventually. we ended the two wondeful years together last night, with a wondeful farewell event, although i was quite uneasy with the belly dancing thing..but hey, it was a hectic night, i had fun, i get to see people that i've longed to see.. yea i've longed to see..due to certain reasons ahaha. we take pictures, we eat, we laught, we cry, we share news, well what else can i ask..except for a sincere apology.

"missing means nothing if you're not there last night"